One of my favorite music groups back when I was in middle school was Match Box Twenty. The lead singer was Rob Thomas who eventually broke off from the group and went solo. He recently released a new song which played on the radio while I was enduring a rather long drive on the highways of New Jersey. It was one of those great divine intervention moments. God had me right where He wanted me, in the perfect place and the perfect state of mind to hear what He wanted me to hear. I heard this-
“I’m not afraid of getting older
I’m one less day from dying young” ~ Rob Thomas
This came about a week before my birthday. As I have gotten older birthdays have gotten more and more difficult to go through for the simple reason I have not been in the place that I thought I would be at that certain age. I really don’t like that birthdays place so much emphasis on this need to evaluate your life up to that point in time. I always seem to come up short in regards to my expectations. This always resulted in me getting angry and blaming the Lord. “Why haven’t you given me this!” I would exclaim, like a ungrateful child throwing a temper tantrum when her parent wouldn’t give her an ice cream cone before diner. I was throwing a tantrum because I didn’t understand the workings of the Lord. I only saw my needs but like a good Father the Lord knew that I needed to have a good healthy diner before I could have ice cream.
Back to my time in my car with Rob Thomas. While I was so focused on the things that I don’t have I lost sight of all the incredible blessings that I have received and essentially the truly miraculous life that the Lord has gifted me with. The truth is I could have died several times through out my life. The main one being when I was diagnosed with type one diabetes but also numerous other times of just basic human stupidity. Each day I am one less day from dying young and that is something to be very thankful for.
In addition, the Lord has also resurrected life many times. The most recent time was when He delivered me out of New York and into New Jersey. It was a surprising revelation especially to me when I actually realized that I was almost exactly where I wanted to be at this age. I am living on my own, I have a good sustainable job and I have time to devote to My Lord and Savior. Why was I still complaining? There is still a missing piece, a husband and a family. I would like to share this life with someone. This still stings a little but I am reminded of that father who denied the child the ice cream. I needed to have a healthy diner first. I needed to rediscover myself and more importantly I needed to rediscover myself in Him! The Lord has a plan and because He has shown me the miracles He can perform in my life once I actually start listening to Him. I have faith and trust that He will lead me to that husband and family my heart desires. When it does happen though it will be the cherry on top of the ice cream. My timeline does not matter because the Lord’s plan is perfect and I want to follow His plan.
This year instead of asking for a gift from the Lord I gave a gift of myself to Him.
and receive all my liberty, my memory,
and my entire will,
all that I have and possess.
You have given all to me to you, Lord, I return it.” ~Saint Ignatius of Loyola
I have been at my job for a little over seven months now. It has become clear that there is a steady rotation of employees. It has gotten to a point where it is like there are one or two new employees each week. There are reliables too, coworkers that continue to stay even though they are unhappy working there. When asked why they stay there their main reason is always the people. It is true, the people that I work with are truly some of the most incredible people I have ever met. Some I have come to call brothers, some I have come to genuinely love, and some I feel as though I have known my entire life.
I worked a special event with some coworkers on Thursday. I mentioned this event in a past blog, True Miracles. I was granted the opportunity to work this charity event for a big event coordinator. I went into the event with the belief that God wanted me to work the event but the reasons why were a mystery. It did help in my new job search and I left feeling very hopeful that the contacts I made there will lead to a better job but there was a more important reason for me attending the event. The Lord once again reminded me where my place is and where He wants me to be. Right now He wants me to be with these people who I currently work with. These people are doing something to me that I cannot explain. Ever since I met these people something has been happening to me that I have not been able to put into words until now. I once had a light inside of me that came through when I smiled and laughed. This light burnt out when I was diagnosed with diabetes, I was unable to smile or laugh. I no longer had the will to find the beauty in life. I could not see the things that made me special or see the things that made others special. When I met my coworkers they immediately were able to see the special qualities inside of me and they were strong enough in their own special qualities to bring out these qualities I had hidden away when I was diagnosed. The band, One Republic, was playing at this event. I grew up with this band and I had forgotten how much I liked their music. While they were playing I found myself singing along and dancing and I was doing it because I was with my coworkers. When I am around these people I am entirely myself, the self that I had lost. It was one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever had.
As I left the event I was praising God for bringing me to these people. I thanked Him for allowing me to have this time of rediscovery. There are seasons in life and I am fully in this season of transformation not only for myself but also a transformation for my coworkers. In these months it is clear that they have transformed too and I have no doubt that God has orchestrated it all. We all needed each other, we all complement each other so perfectly we can all be naturally and completely ourselves. I owe these people my life, without them I would have never found who I was and more importantly who God wants me to be.
I am aware that this is a season in my life and I believe that this season is coming to an end. If it wasn’t for the fact that I need to continue to grow I may be tempted to stay in this season for the rest of my life. For the first time in my life I feel like I am living out my own fairytale. Everyday at work God has surprises for me and I get to encounter these fairytale characters that make life worth living. I am living a life I have always prayed for. I know it will be hard to leave this season and move into the next but when it is time I have faith that the Lord will prepare me for it. I also have faith that the next season will be even greater than this one because God has shown me how amazing life can be when I am open and allow Him work His magic.