My life is becoming a perfect example of this classic expression, “never say never.” This morning I dyed my hair BLUE!!! When I was younger I always said, “I would never dye my hair.” I loved my hair color because it had all these natural highlights and if I dyed it I would risk losing all those natural highlights. I also said that I would never travel overseas and it was for a extremely stupid and naive reason too. I was convinced that if I were to take an airplane over an ocean it would surely breakdown and crash into the sea. It had gotten to the point that I had made a plan so that if I ever needed to travel to another country I was willing to make my way up to Alaska and cross the Bering Strait because that is the only place on the planet that does not require crossing such a large body of water. The funny part of this story is that when I did finally give in and made my first trip overseas it was to Vietnam! Not only did I cross an ocean I chose to cross the largest one there is. In addition, the first time I dyed my hair I dyed it black one of the most dramatic color I could choose.
There have been several other things I swore never to do. When I moved to New York I said I would never drive in the city, one year later I found myself commuting everyday through the city to get to a job located in New Jersey. I said I would never leave Colorado and here I am living in New Jersey. When I made these statements I thought I was protecting myself. In putting these limits on my life I was guarding myself from the unknown. The unknown is truly terrifying and I believe this is one of the greatest fears that plagues our society. By putting these limits on my life I was keeping the control in my own hands. What I didn’t understand is that by doing this I was cutting myself off from the Lord and His divine plan for my life. To be completely honest I didn’t trust Him. I believed I knew what was the best for me which could not be further from the truth. It was only when I gave up and threw my entire game plan out the window that my life started to come together and was able to find sheer joy. The other day I was talking to a fellow coworker and I found myself confessing that for the first in my entire life I am not depressed. I actually caught myself after I said it because I could not believe I actually said it out loud. It came as a surprise to me because for as long as I could remember I struggled with bouts of depression. It had gotten to the point where it was just a part of my life. Some moments would be better than others but I had come to accept that my depression would always be a part of my life. It wasn’t until this conversation with my coworker that I recognized that the depression was gone. Sometimes I need to go against everything that I know and understand and choose the most absurd and ridiculous plan. I can guarantee that the Lord will reveal Himself very clearly because of it and produce miracles like erasing my depression.
Dying my hair was one of the most exhilarating things that I have done in a while. Walking out of the hair studio I felt as though my outward appearance finally reflected how I felt inside. The new me on the inside matched the new me on the outside. Every time I can breakdown one of those walls that I had built up by using that word “never” brings me closer to Jesus Christ and that will always bear great fruit. Never again will I say never, ha ha!